RAH and the apple

IMG_2747 copy, originally uploaded by thehallspace.

RAH saw me eating an apple and was mesmerized. He began screaming and fussing when I walked away and didn't give him any. It was a very sorry display.
At first I just bit off a chunk of my apple for him to gnaw on. HE sucked that thing dry and soon it wasn't enough for him. We had to cut him a slice of apple, which he was very content to gum for several minutes.

Eventually he gave up on the whole thing, but I was happy that my son likes Apples. Previously we had offered him a french fry to taste, but he hated that. I will be happy to provide him all the apples he can stomach if he prefers them over fries.

Second Doctor visit

Dr visit 2, originally uploaded by thehallspace.

RAH went to get his second set of shots this week. It was an interesting experience. For some reason he seems to have a good time in the Doctor's office up until the time when the evil people come with the needles. Also, he loved that the paper on the bed made sounds when you touch it.

He played with it for at least 10 minutes while we waited for the nurse to return.

He's almost 5 months now, which is crazy to me because I live in this time vaccum where parts of my life are moving slowly, like the time I spend with him, and then other parts are speeding by, like work, or really everything else. 

Grammy Time

The baby has been with his grandmother all week, which makes this the longest week of my life. I have been able to survive it, mostly by looking at pictures of him, and visiting him as often as my time permits. Having a baby means your life changes overnight. I am no longer just an I, much like when I got married, I became a we, and now her and I are a three. So this baby is now like an appendage on my body, where I have to have it no matter where in the world I am. My body chemistry seems to be yearning for my connection to him. I love him, and he is me, and we are we.

And I wouldn't have it any other way really.

This morning

This morning my wife had to get up and get ready for work. The baby began to fuss and cry immediately. I was groggy and needed another half hour of sleep. I picked up the baby and laid him on my chest hoping he would settle and go back to sleep. He passed out almost immediately and I was able to catch a few more minutes of sleep.

It was the most comfortable I can say I have ever been.

Babies are awesome.

Fatherhood

near smiling, originally uploaded by thehallspace.

I learned something about myself today: I could never go back to not having kids. Fatherhood is pretty much me from now on.

I could not imagine not seeing this guys face every day.

Fatherhood has been a real joy for me. Baby RAH doesn't do much really. He lays there, arms flailing, trying to command his limbs. You can see him working to be deliberate in his movement and coming up short. It is an awesome spectacle. With each new day he gains a little more control, a little more intent in his attempts. I am in awe of his growth. Already he is big enough to have swallowed the baby he was two months ago. His face is filling out and his newborn outfits stretch on his skin like sausage casing.

Each day I spend a little time, sitting next to him as he coos and gurgles. He's a talker this little man, making sounds to articulate his moods and feelings. Only 9 weeks on the earth and he's struggling to modulate his sound to accommodate whatever is going on in that brilliant mind of his. It is an honor to be allowed to witness these small moments. he's learned to lean into my chest when I hold him. He almost demands that my arm be bent a certain way to accommodate his round head, so that he may assess all that he can survey.

Today my mom had RAH, as part of a "work release" program, where I let her spend time with him, and my wife gets to catch up on her sleep. What's sad is that we didn't have any plans today for the first time in a long time. Usually when my mom has him I have organized some kind of date experience for us to attend. Unfortunately, today I had no such designs, so we sat around the house all day. It made me a little sad to be here, nothing to do, and not have little man by my side. Typically, between feedings, and changings, he sits on his little half circle pillow and makes sounds at me as I watch a show, or surf. It brought to mind all the fathers I know of, have known, am aware of, who spend so little time with their children, if any time at all. I could not imagine spending more than a few days away from this dazzling little person. It makes me wonder why did I wait so long to have kids? In reality I waited for the right moment, and this is close enough. My wife and I were talking about what we would be doing if we hadn't had little RAH. For the life of me I can not think of anything I was doing that was more important than sitting along side that little man and singing him Ben Fold's songs.

So, Fatherhood is me. I can't imagine myself any other way. I was born to raise this little guy. To steer him towards his dreams and through the pitfalls and tribulations he will surely face. His life is my life, and our futures were intertwined from the moment he breathed air.

There is no turning back.
He completes me, and I would be empty without him in my day to day.

Life Changing

May 1, 2010 my life changed forever. I know it’s a cliché, everyone says it. You see your child for the first time and the world shifts and you feel like a different person.  Sometimes cliché’s exist because they are true, and there are few ways to describe a personal phenomenon that is so simultaneously awesome and dumbfounding at the same time that all you can do is fall back on old tropes and pull a cliché out of your hat.

So, May 1^st, 2010 my first son was born. Ritchie Alexandre Hall III came screaming into the world through a hole a doctor cut in my wife’s stomach after hanging out there for 38 weeks. I sat there, her hand in mine and it was surreal. It were as though someone had dropped me off a great height and as I reached terminal velocity my body had no weight and my mind scrambled to reassess what was up or down. The hospital staff showed me my son, covered in the goo that was his life giving bio cage and I was stupefied. That being, that mewling ball of discomfort belonged to me. And that moment I couldn’t help but feel the internal shift as my life went from being my own to something else entirely.

Each day with this little man is like a gift from a wellspring of magical creatures. A baby in the first few weeks is like a pet that evolves daily into sentience. The first day his cloudy eyes darted every which way, often independent of each other. Only three weeks later and now he will track you as you walk past or turn his head to great me from a long day at work. It is a fascinating journey that I hope to eventually find words to adequately describe. With each new day I am overjoyed by the small moments, feeding him, holding him, walking him about the apartment as I sing the soundtrack to Man of Lamancha, these are the absolute joys of my day. I cherish it when he rests on my chest, or when his brows rise as he recognizes me a little before his head falls. I have taken a million pictures of the kid. He is my legacy, my male heir. I want to spend my days showering him with accolades and encouragement. I want to spend my life in service of his greatness. He is my young prince and literally from the moment he was born I realized that there was no me, there was he, and I was the conduit of his existence on this planet that hurls through space. That is a great feeling, it also frightens me beyond words. The future is a wild open space where dangers and trials lurk. There are no guarantees for long life, health or prosperity. I want to work hard to insure all those things for my son despite the uncertainty. I want to rebuild the world so that he, and whatever progeny he wishes to birth have only the best on the road ahead. I want most of that he live and find happiness in the cold and callous life. I recognized a fraction of this in the moment I saw his face and with each day the entirety of it becomes more real to me.

I pray that I live up to the honor that is being his father.